If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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