my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
