I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
