Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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