I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i want to swaddle you in tequila
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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