i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
