Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
NoShamevember. You game?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
