Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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