I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
