her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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