oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
