third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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