I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
