i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
