i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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