you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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