he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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