it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
