I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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