he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry about my life...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
