the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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