She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
