omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
