i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
