There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize