We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
