I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
