i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
