Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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