I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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