is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
