wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
