You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
