Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had to cum in my sink.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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