They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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