the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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