just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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