its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
