So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
