Just cropdusted the office
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
