How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
