he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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