Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
