It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
