They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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