Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
