Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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