So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
