I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
