I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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