dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
