He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
