OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
