I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
