I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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