I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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