I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
