wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize