is your mom at the bar?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
