so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
