In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
