You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
