Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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