16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
