ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Enjoy the penises
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
