ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
