so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
